I've been trying my best to get to sleep tonight, but I'm giving my mind a lesson in TIME LINES. I'm trying to reconstruct my own from my childhood years. It has left me restless and troubled. I never realized how abnormal my childhood was until I gained the perspective of time and exposure to those of others. I've always wondered why I did not have really happy memories....not necessarily BAD memories (though some were), but nothing truly happy for sections of time in my life. It was no secret that my father and I were not buddies. I never realized how much that has influenced me. I guess people might wonder why that even matters now that I'm into my sixty-fourth year on this earth. I like to know the "whys" of things and it seems that I've been very busy until now with everyone else's "whys"...
Just trying to reconstruct some things...and restless. It will all come together.
1 comment:
It matters now because you finally have time to think about it. Since you're still on this planet - gather your thoughts, make your plans, live this life you've been given.
Sometimes I can't sleep and I'm pretty sure it's "hot flashes" or something along those lines. Other nights I just have to assume God wants to 'tell' me something (no burning bush or audible voice). Also, change the oil or it's time to get the car inspected or remember to send a birthday card to what's her name - every day life things also dance in my brain and keep sleep away. I put a lot more stuff on the calendar these days (also on my cell phone calendar - sometimes I need that little alarm going off at odd times to help get me in gear). When I have several days (or nights) of a really cluttered brain I take out a piece of freezer paper, 3 or 4 feet worth, and grab a Sharpie and just start writing stuff down. I call it a "thoughts dump." Then I take another big piece of paper and try to organize them. If you don't have freezer paper open up a grocery bag (paper, of course) and take out your trusty crayons and give it a try. I'm curious what you'll discover.
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